Getting better and better from the breakup.
November 2, 2011
October 20, 2011
Angels and Airwaves Love Pt. II
I think Tom DeLonge’s greatest inspiration (in song writing) has been transferred from blink-182 to AVA. The soul of blink-182, at least Tom’s portions of it, seem to have moved on. Sure, he sings in his old band, but tons of the lyrics just sound like lip service. The same kind of lyrics Tom used to sing in songs like Always or Feeling This or I guess even Dysentary Gary are found in AVA. It’s his ‘essence’ for a lack of a better description.
On another note, the original band, blink-182, broke up because according to lead bassist/co-vocalist mark hoppus the band members tried to change each other instead of accepting each other. Yep. If you know me, you know how much this means to me.
October 16, 2011
Life’s song is a Conflict
Ah yes, oh so contrary, torn and conflicted. Where’s my cup of ambivalence? As I sit here on a peaceful Sunday afternoon, when I should stop procrastinating asap, I wonder if anyone’s ever been the one to break up a relationship and still feel as if they were the one being dumped. My past consisted of a miracle of chance meetings in which – you guessed it – I met a girl. It’s always about a girl, isn’t it? It was the classic case of one thing led to another. I didn’t meet her right away. I didn’t even know she existed at first. Don’t worry, she’s not imaginary. I’m leaving out the details on purpose.
Things went nicely for a while until I felt there was too much baggage piling up, too much resentment, too much emotional neglect, power games (even though both parties heavily denied it), boiling into an anti-perfect mixture of insecurity. Just wrap it up and grill it like a kabob.
But it was all worthwhile because I experienced exactly what Coldplay sings about here:
Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful
You know what I’m talking about? It’s “The Change” when somebody goes from somebody to… not just a somebody or a regular relationship. We talked of forever. Then disaster struck. In spite of talking about making things better, they never did take a swing for the better. Tragic. If I were to scientifically analyze why that’s the case then it’s easy – it’s easy to conclude we just weren’t compatible with each other, despite wanting to improve. Which highlights, to me, it’s easy to fall in love and harder to make it work. Those that gripped onto the tiniest sliver of hope should not hold their breath. So does this experience make me reluctant to put in the inevitable hard work that comes with a relationship intended to be a life long affair? I won’t answer that question but I think it puts focus on the importance of finding a quality match. Nobody really knows who’s a great match for them though. A mystery and a blessing at the same time…it’s why true love when it’s truly manifested is so great, in my opinion.
I can’t keep your voice out of my head
All I hear are the many echoes of
The darkest words you said
And it’s driving me crazy
Bite your lips, the word’s a robbery
Do you grin inside? You’re killing me
All along we talked of forever
I kind of think that we won’t get better
Does it do me any good to admit I miss her? Sure, maybe to keep expelling the emotions. But at some point, the past rests in the past. I suppose the fact I miss her shows I appreciated that I met her, but ambivalence again when I think of all the trying times. To say I miss her would also mean I miss the emotional torture, which is surely don’t. The answer is then to really have fond memories of this failed relationship is to remember the good memories and separate the bad ones away. Maybe use the bad memories for life experience to build on, but keep just the good memories for nostalgic sake. Yeah. That’s it.
I’m convinced my standards are higher than a lot of people. Therefore, it’s why I could come up with the idea to break up with someone while still in love with them. Which of course doesn’t make sense from the outside. I’m sure, though, many married couples can relate to what exactly I just wrote. It really means you’re in love but for every wrong reason in the world, it’s just too painful to keep going. And for the past year I’ve faced the tough psychological battle of, do I extinguish this feeling? Let it go? Claim it never happened? Date 10 other girls and forget about it? Somewhere in the midst of all that, it all seems so disorganized. I guess I have yet to explore just how deep this rabbit hole of emotions can go.
Has anyone else ever faced the torture of breaking up with someone you were still in love with? The subtle but important distinction is I’m not talking about someone that you love, but aren’t in love with anymore. Then again, the more I write, the more I question my emotions. It’s the ambivalence talking.
Life’s song is a Conflict.
post.script.
Even though this is my blog, I’m going to go ahead with an explanation that I’m not going to pretend I’m the first to go through a tough breakup or I’m some person with an extraordinary past. All I can conclude is I’ve genuinely experienced my first tragic love story of my life. Tragedies are fortunately few and far between in my life. Which gives me room to look in my rear-view mirror and say, “well, what a ride that was!”
September 23, 2011
blink album
*edit* Actually, the album is pretty cool. Interesting how songs can grow on you. It’s still very experimental, but I like it much better than before. I think I was just in so much shock. I give it a 3 out of 5 stars. Maybe a 3.5, but definitely no 4 stars. Not every song on the album is a must listen, to be honest and that’s why I give the newest blink album a 3.0 to 3.5 stars out of 5. Their next album should fare better without as much expectation (8 years in the making) as this one.
The new blink album kinda of sucks. It is so far removed from the usual blink song. The problem with this album is it’s been about 8 years since their last album. The album is all over the place. It definitely sounds like blink, but with too much noise you can’t really make it out that it’s truly them. They need some more time playing songs together again, but with the members of blink in a busy time of their lives with their side projects and family, I have doubts they will regain the old blink energy. The next album should they make one will let me know if they still have it. My worst suspicions were held true: the few singles that were released sucked. The rest of the songs were probably even worse.
It sounds like a confused mix of AVA with Box car racer and experimental trash with a pinch of blink-182. To me it’s more like Tom and Mark singing, but it’s not blink we know. Almost all the songs from old blink were good. This one struggles to have one really good song. It’s hard to relate to the songs. The old songs were easy to relate to. The new songs center around songs built on metaphor over metaphor, much of it mindlessly lyrical. What happened?
Hopefully, the reality is there are a lot of ideas over 8 years and this album is crudely said, more like masturbation and their next album will get back to a sound more similar to the usual blink sound. I hope it’s not a case of them running out of good song ideas after having poured in considerable time for all 3 members’ side projects.
October 8, 2010
Well well
Stupid retarded clerks that are sucked dry for power and appreciation. Perhaps this state of life shows the true strength of character.
I had a clerk point blank, look at my driver’s license and credit card and say this card doesn’t belong to you! (My name is
In theory, the driver’s license department would not let me sign as a different name than my legal name. Apparently, the clerk has no trust in the Washington state department of licensing, either.
I showed her my other credit cards with
In the end, she just wanted to go on a power trip. I said lots of people must have fake cards. She said yeah, “lots of fake IDs”. Then she said I could still buy the alcohol with cash or a debit card.
…
Think about that for a moment.
Her logic is broken. She just shot herself in her own foot. She didn’t trust my ID because she thought it was stolen (she implied it wasn’t mine). She also said lost of people give fake IDs. And she thinks the credit cards are stolen. Then how could she know whether I am underage to purchase alcohol or not? No way possible.
I should have left the shop the moment she said the credit cards aren’t mine. Nobody ever deserves to be put under an unconstitutional premise. Guilty until proven wrong. And publicly defamed.
Fuck that bitch.
I’m slightly tempted to get a lawyer on this now.